By Tina Marie Martinez
I remember the moment everything decided to start falling apart.
It wasn’t just one event. It was a series of unfortunate events, slowly piling up. I tried so hard to stay on track financially, but no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I kept falling behind.
The bills didn’t stop coming in, the responsibilities didn’t stop, the pressure kept building up.
It got to a point where I was so overwhelmed, like I was carrying way more than I could handle.
Staying financially stable became one of the hardest things I’ve dealt with. It wasn’t just about the money; it was about what came with the money and keeping it all together. The contracts I agreed to and signed on the dotted line. The stress, anxiety and the constant overthinking did a complete takeover.
I found myself worrying about things most people don’t even think about on a day-to-day basis. It affected me not only mentally but emotionally, too. Most days it was so hard to focus, hard to stay motivated and even harder to feel like I was moving forward.
Every time I get ahead, the rug is pulled out from under me with no warning. Was I living above my means? I started thinking, “Don’t I deserve these things?” It made me think about my work ethic and if I had put in enough work. After I upgraded my whole life, I started questioning my worth and my values.
Was it worth all the mental agony to have all these nice things, and the contracts that came with them, with all their hidden legal obligations? Was it all worth what came with it? What made it even more difficult was the pressure. Not just pressure from the situation, but pressure I put on myself. I was not exactly where I wanted to be, even though I had come so far. I wanted to have everything together. I wanted to be stable. I wanted to prove that I could handle life on my own. But I felt like I was slipping. I was emotionally drained and that feeling of losing control is something I won’t forget.
And then… I knew I had to choose, so I chose me. I put myself first for once and chose what was right for me, my passion, what makes me happy. I chose to be creative. It was either choose myself or break.
Growing up, I was fixated with celebrities building their brands. Watching all of these women becoming moguls and building their empires inspired me to build one, too. I wanted my brand on everything to prove that I could build something from nothing, as they had. Watching Kimora Lee Simmons developing her own lane with her Baby Phat brand had my attention.
I took an opportunity to put my business out there after being given the opportunity through Urban League of Greater Madison. I started by registering for their accelerator program, G-Beta, located on Park Street in their new business hub. I was selected to join a free seven-week program. I received mentor support. I also attended weekly lunch-and-learn meetings and signed up to reserve a table to participate in their weekly pop-up market events. This lead me to founding Chinadoll Cosmetics as a pop-up business.
Next thing I knew, I had quit my job just to pursue it; I wanted to keep on building my brand
While everything kept going wrong, this brand, this new identity, became one thing I could hold on to. I didn’t start it just to sell products. I started it because I didn’t want to lose myself. I didn’t want to forget who I was, how creative I am or what I’m capable of and how important it is to me to empower other women. It became more than just a business idea; it was a constant reminder that Chinadoll Cosmetics didn’t just come from creating it, but from a version of me that refused to give up. It gave me purpose when everything felt out of control. It gave me something to focus on and it gave me the outlet I needed to express my creativity.
Did you know that when you see an overnight success, it actually took an average of at least five years of unseen work? Or that 20% of new businesses fail within the first two years alone? I am reaching my five-year mark! Through everything, I’ve learned how powerful pressure can be. It can change how you think, the way you feel and how you see yourself. But I also learned that even when things feel like they’re falling apart, there’s still something inside you that can keep going. For me, that was my creativity, my drive and my vision for something better.
I’m still figuring it all out. I’m still working through challenges and understanding the lessons. And here is so much to consider, many obstacles to overcome, from figuring out marketing to making sure there is cash flow to help me thrive.
One thing for sure, I haven’t given up. All I’ve been through has shown me just how strong I truly am, even though I didn’t always feel like it at the time. This is not the end of my story, this is just a piece of it. This is the part that’s pushing me to become something so much greater. When life tried breaking me, it reminded me exactly who I am.
I had to take a step back to realize how far I have come, allowing myself to stand in the moment, find my sense of direction and prepare for what heights I will reach next. This next chapter is gonna be BIG!
